During last Sunday’s Mass, our pastor spoke about forgiveness; a subject that, in many ways, feels especially relevant to the world we live in today.
He spoke about how easily we can fall into the mindset of “getting back” at someone when we feel we have been offended, insulted, or hurt. It can sometimes seem easier to hold on to our anger than to let go of it. But he also reminded us of the beauty that can come with forgiveness.
It got me thinking about how each of us deals with the slights, disappointment, hurt, and sometimes even serious harm that we experience at the hands of others. Like so many of you, I have had my fair share of “slings and arrows” over the years. This is particularly true when you serve in an elected position. When you put yourself in the public arena, you quickly learn that not everyone will agree with you, and sometimes disagreements become personal.
My wife likes to kid me about how easily I forgive people, even when they don’t directly offer an apology. Perhaps she is right; I have never seen much sense in carrying a grudge. Life is too short to spend it holding on to anger and resentment. That doesn’t mean that after forgiving someone, we are suddenly going to become good friends. There are times when a relationship may never return to what it once was; we may remember the hurt, and we may even need to establish boundaries to protect ourselves from being hurt again.
But forgiveness can mean something very important; I am choosing not to let what happened define what comes next.
When I forgive someone for a hurt they have caused me, I believe I am taking a positive step in a new direction. I am releasing myself from the burden of continually revisiting the offense and wondering what I could have said or done differently; I am choosing peace over resentment.
Of course, forgiveness isn’t always easy. Some hurts run deep, and some wounds take a great deal of time to heal. Forgiving someone does not mean pretending serious harm did not happen, nor does it mean that justice, accountability or appropriate boundaries are no longer important.
But when someone sincerely offers an apology, perhaps we can ask ourselves what we want to do with that opportunity. Can we accept their apology? Can we allow ourselves to forgive? Can we take the first step toward moving forward?
There is something freeing about forgiveness; it can lift a weight from our shoulders and allow us to put our energy toward the people and things that truly matter.
In that sense, forgiveness may be one of the greatest gifts we can give, not only to the person who hurt us, but to ourselves.
So, I would ask each of you to give forgiveness some thought.
Think about the hurts you have carried. Think about the people who may have hurt or disappointed you. And, if the opportunity comes, consider whether forgiveness might help you take that next positive step forward.
Life is short, I know that for a fact, We can’t always control what others say or do to us. But we can choose what we do with the hurt they leave behind.
Sometimes, the most powerful way to move forward is simply to let go.